38 hilarious family-friendly jokes that will cheer you up and make your day
There’s intensity in the air right now. Then I remember: Laughter is the best medicine. I asked my community to share their favourite short and clean jokes that are good for adults and kids alike, and you don’t disappoint. In fact, some seriously funny jokes are contributed by adorable kiddos aged as young as 6! What’s not to love right?!
Bookmark this page and come back often for comic relief. Enjoy! XO
Funny jokes with witches and ghosts to bring you chuckles, Halloween or not
How do ghosts keep their babies safe in the car?
They put them in car sheets!
(Thanks Julia K)
Why did the ghost go to the bar?
For the BOOS 👻
(Thanks Stacey W)
What is a witch’s favourite subject in school?
(Thanks Diana P)
Witches don't fart,
they just cast smells
(Thanks Alexandra N)
What did the mother buffalo say to her child when he left for college??
(Thanks Morgan S)
Don’t forget to treat yourself with minimalist natural soap. Pep Soap mini bars are better than candies!
Adorable jokes with cute animals
Why do hummingbirds hum?
Because they don't know the words!
(Thanks Sara F and grandpa)
What do sea monsters like to eat?
🐠 fish and 🛳 ships
(Thanks Holly R)
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
(Thanks Sarah R)
Did you hear about the bear at the campsite?
It was intents 😆 (in tense)
(Thanks Stephanie @stephie_blu)
Why did Tigger jump into the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh
(Thanks Betsy R)
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
(Thanks Tanya K)
A bear 🐻 walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a gin and..............................................................................................................................................tonic.”
The bartender says “what’s with the big paws?” 🍸
(Thanks Lisa @dogwoodletterpress)
Oh and then the 🐻 is having a drink and his friend the giraffe 🦒 walks in & orders several shots, taking up a LOT of room. After his 10th shot, the giraffe lies down & falls asleep. The 🐻 bear gets up to go, the bartender says “hey you can’t leave that lyin’ here!” And 🐻 says,
“that’s no lion 🦁 that’s a giraffe 🦒.” 🤓
(Also from Lisa @dogwoodletterpress)
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels
(Thanks Julie C and her 8 years old daughter)
Why don’t animals play cards at the zoo?
Because there are too many Cheetahs
(Thanks Julie C)
A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey we gotta drink named after you," and the grasshopper asks....
(Also from Belynda C)
Why can’t dinosaurs talk?
Because they’re dead.
(Thanks Laura W and her husband)
Honey Soap SUNSHINE with raw honey from BC’s Fraser Valley to brighten your day
Slightly nerdy jokes
What did the English book say to the Math book?
Man, you got a lot of problems!
(Thanks Serena G)
Why did the smart phone wear glasses?
Because it lost all of its contacts
(Thanks Nicole L and her 6 year old daughter)
Last night I had a dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.
I was like, 0mg.
(Thanks Kristine B)
Why does the Norwegian Navy have barcodes on their ships?
So when they get back to port they can Scandinavian
(Thanks Mariah K and Laura W)
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Goes to pay and the bartender says:
'For you, no charge.’
(Thanks Alex F)
Two antennae meet on a roof, fall in love, and get married. The ceremony wasn't much to speak of,
but the reception was excellent.
(Thanks Belynda C)
Broken pencil who?
Never mind, it's pointless
(Thanks Jessica B)
Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon?
It has great food but no atmosphere.
(Thanks Laura P)
Hey Handsome and Hey Beautiful: Gift for him. Gift for her. Gift for all!
Short and sweet jokes for all occasions
Where does the king keep his armies?
In his sleeves!
(Thanks Jessica K)
How did the Romans cut their pizza?
With Little Caesar’s!
(Thanks Emily S)
Did you see that new pirate movie?
It’s rated “Arrrrggghhh”
(Thanks Morgan D)
Why did the cat cross the road?
Because the chicken had a laser pointer 😋
(Thanks Sandy @yourinspiredmom)
Why did the lollipop cross the street?
It was stuck to the chicken!
(Thanks Lesley @lesleymichele14!)
Have you heard about those new corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!
(Thanks Leah @bcleah)
Why can't Elsa fly a kite?
Because she would let it go.
(Thanks Lindsey P and six year old)
What did one wall say to the other?
Meet you at the corner!
(Thanks Jessica O)
What did the mommy volcano say to the baby volcano?
“I lava you”
(Thanks Miinkay Y)
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
(Thanks Heather D)
LOVE (Goat’s Milk Soap) and SUNSHINE (Honey Soap): always in season
Some may think these are not totally clean, but funny nonetheless!
What did one saggy boob say to another saggy boob?
We better get some support before we’re nuts!
(Thanks Caitlin B)
Did you hear about the guy with five penises?
His pants fit like a glove.
(Thanks Shalay C)
Natural Soap with exfoliating organic and fair-trade hibiscus
This list of good old fashion jokes will not be complete without some Coronavirus and quarantine jokes to mark the pundemic and round out 2020. (Thanks Fides M for the link!)
p.s. In addition to humours, hugs (people and pets) are also magical.
p.p.s. Another tip: take a shower with nice soap: MAGIC with with tea tree and cinnamon essential oils and JOY with sweet orange and cinnamon may be just the thing you need.
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A delicious healthy grab 'n go breakfast shared by a Vancouver-based registered holistic nutritionist!